Thursday, September 29, 2011

....the reckoning

“….anna, okka ruppe ivvu,” I heard a feeble voice; while juggling one of my favorite songs on a Monday morning. I turned aside and saw a small kid of hardly six years of age looking right into my eyes asking for a rupee. I’m not one of those charitable souls who would give alms to someone; but this was not usual—sultry brown eyes, puffed hair and an unusual calm face made this kid look very different. I looked at his face for a moment and then drove away with the signal going green, however, I kept thinking about the boy…”I should have given him something,” I reprimanded myself. The incident made the not so exciting Monday little grayer.

The next day at around the same time when I waited for the ‘Jublee check-post’ signal to turn green, my eyes were scanning the whole area looking for the timid soul, and momentarily I saw him at the far corner. I took out a two rupee coin—probably wanted to make up for yesterday, and waited for him to come by. In anticipation of the signal going green, I shuffled to and fro hoping to see the kid and give him some money, but he wouldn’t be seen. Anxiety grew as if a terrible mistake is going to happen but couldn’t do anything about it. “Damn! Where did he go?” I irked, and slowly drove off through the green light while still looking for the boy.

This wasn’t something very pertinent that I should be gasping all around, but kind of felt void inside. Thousands of time, I have ignored many such ‘alms seekers’ but never felt this heavy. The week passed away and I never got to see the little kid again. I had by this time got over the feeling; though not completely. One lazy weekend while lying on the bed I gazed the blades of the moving fan. I was lost deep in thoughts and they kept unfolding like an enigma without beckoning. I remembered my mom, dad, brother and other family member; friends, colleagues and the even recent acquaintances. I was entering into a sort of ‘plasmatic state’ where boundaries between emotions, logic, and practicalities become impalpable. I felt my heavy heart and wished to move away, desperate efforts were disdain. I’m neither a fundamentalist nor belong to one of the philanthropists but just an ordinary man with common feelings. The restlessness triggered anything but gratification; there was a sense, a meaning to all that passed. Time went by and after a couple of weeks, I once again saw the kid in the same signal. God knows why I felt lighter while reaching for that five rupee coin in my wallet. Vociferously, I called out, “Chhotu, here”, raising the coin pointing a gesture; the child rushed. He came, stretched his lean arms puffing a rare smile. Dropping the coin in his palm I gently asked, “What is your name?” he replied, “Bhanu” and walked away. I looked at the pale shadow crossing the road with some fulfillment and drove off. That evening I wasn’t my usual cheerful but definitely felt calm. The reckoning was emotional, awakening soulful.

4 comments:

Sarvesh said...

Even I've gone through similar feelings a lot of times in life. Its that one smile on the face that makes you feel contented. Very well written

The Inner Side of "ME" said...

outstanding piece of writing man

Vishal said...

Thanks Bros!

Kaushik Bhandari said...

Patanehi main kabse tera blog padhna chalu kiya...However I hv got a good feelings for this post.

Keep it up....

Bangal